An ode to the light (and the darkness)
Lately when people ask me how I am doing I hear myself saying that it feels like slowly my inner light is awakening once more. It has been a very foreign experience to be cloaked in darkness for months, even after my father passed away, I could always still find my light. But now she was gone. I had to go into my underworld and become comfortable with my darkness to find her again.
During these months I felt a deep connection to one of my favourite Greek goddesses Persephone, to explore her representation in my own life. She who lives in the underworld for half the year with her husband Hades and the other half on earth with her mother Demeter. Persephone represents the cycles of nature, our seasons, the cycles that we as humans and especially as women go through.
Journeying through this darkness has been no easy task, I suppose it never is. For me it felt crucial as a woman, a mother, witch, wise woman, to go down the steps of this spiral, into my underworld and fully submerge myself in the darkness that was there. For how else will I fully connect to all the women that I am without meeting them or parts of them in this realm? Connecting with myself in this cycle, has been a profound new experience, one I am still coming home from.
The raw, sometimes ugly, unfiltered thoughts, the fear and anxiety. The at times manic nature of my thoughts. The nights of sweat and downloads. There were hard choices that had to be made. I took a break from my job. Physically I was in pain, mentally I wanted everything to go back to ‘normal’. The deeper I sank the more I realised I had to say no to things that would distract me and give me a short dopamine rush. I pushed back only to be pushed further down. Hades was not letting me go, and now slowly climbing out I am deeply grateful for that.
For the rivers created by my tears now nourish me. The drum I now hear in my ears a representation of the heartbeat of true surrender. Somewhere I knew I would find the light again, only I didn’t know when the time was ripe for me to return. Going through this cycle feels like a rebirth. I feel more connected with what my path is, more in tune with what gives me joy and through this deeper and much clearer connection with self, I realize a deeper connection with Mamma Gaia and my people.
So today, on the longest day of the year (for the Northern Hemisphere), I want to celebrate that light with you. I want to celebrate every human that faces the darkness and still finds light, usually in the small and mundane things. The way the wind makes the grass rustle, a beautiful sunset, the smile on your child’s face, the flowers you gift yourself, a cup of tea or the crafting project that brings such joy. May we lean into those moments and let them nourish us.
I invite you today to spend time outside and connect with the light entering your body. Really feel and connect with the rays. Let this light fill you up and reach all the way into your cells. May she warm and soften you in places that could use her gentle touch, her warmth as a reminder that even though the darkness is very real,
So is the light.
I will end with a prayer:
May the love and this ode to the light reach into the darkest of places, into the hearts of all those suffering at the hands of the darkness created by humans.
May the love and this ode to the light be felt by those who need it most.
May the love and this ode to the light bring the ripples needed over this earth.
In no way to only live from love and light, but to find the courage to go into the inner darkness, face the shadows and dare to live with all the seasons.
For we can only truly know light when we also know darkness.
So mote it be.
With love,
Anna
